reoccurring nightmare.

one year five months and 24 days. yes, i do remember the exact day i cut all my hair off. 15 inches to be exact. 13 of which were donated to locks of love. living my entire life with long hair i had always wondered what it would be like to have short, spunky hair. i figured i could pull it off and always wanted to donate it. after literally years of saying "okay this time i'm going to donate it" and freaking out at the last second i finally did it. it didn't happen as i had expected but i think it needed to play out this way in order for me to actually go through with it. every time i went to get a hair cut i was told to not cut my hair, my "beautiful, curly, golden hair". so, how did i finally convince everyone to lay off and let me chop it? i didn't. i merely didn't tell a soul. including myself. i, indeed, decided to cut off all my beloved hair on the way to get my hair "trimmed". my stomach literally churned as i drove to "hair do" where i get my hair cut by the lovely and amazingly talented emilee. as i parked and walked in the butterflies didn't go away. still they persisted as i walked in and back to her seat. the usual exchanges were made and then emilee, knowing me, says, "so just a little trim?" i look at her dead in the eye (okay, well dead in the eyes of her reflection in the mirror, i was already sitting down) and said "nope, hack it off." her face erupted in a smile and she then proceeded to ask every variation of "are you sure?" until finally she understood i was not going to change my mind. after shampooing and conditioning (by the way why does that always feel amazing when they do it? i try to imitate them in the shower and it just isn't the same) anyway, we return to THE CHAIR where she whips out her black apron and wraps it around me. braiding my hair and securing it with the same pony tail holder i constrained my hair in when walking through those front salon doors she took her scissors and asked "you ready". i don't remember saying anything just squeezing my eyes shut and feeling the weight fall away from my head. who knew hair could weigh so much!! i do admit that tears came to my eyes. i immediately pushed them back by recounting some lame joke and making myself and emilee laugh. the deed was done. and my hair was gone. so, now lets get to the jist of this post. i loved it. i felt free and kind of rebellious. everyone was shocked to say the least but they eventually got over it and learned to love it. occasionally i would miss it but really i just enjoyed having fun with it, trying new things that would've never worked with my long crazy hair. so now, almost a year and a half later, how do i feel? mixed. someone tell me what to do!! lets add on top of this my reoccurring nightmares! i'll explain; i have these nightmares that my hair is back. long and always perfect (in my dream) and it's blowing in the wind, or some other cliche scene, and then i wake up and it's gone. it's not really there. for the first few times this dream came to me i literally cried (that shouldn't surprise you) not hard crying, just a little tear-age of the eyes as i realize that my hair wont grow back over night. so here's the thing. i somewhat hate the length it's at right now. BUT i really want to donate again! so..grow out and chop off? or just chop off? or just live with it and let it grow out and see if i like it a little longer? bleh. i hate hair. (that's a lie) but if you have an opinion let me know! (ps i don't care how old this post is by the time you read it, comment, because i'll most likely still be trying to make this decision months from now.) i do not regret donating it, at all. it was an amazing experience and when i realize how my hair blessed someone else i realize how silly it is for me to really care about a few inches of lost hair. at least i can grow hair! at least i am healthy and don't have to deal with treatments and things way beyond my maturity level. i'm so glad i could do this for someone else, even though i'll never know who it ended up with, i know it helped. and i am so happy i could help

because i am blessed.

p.s.first picture is obviously right after i cut it, before i sent in my hair (i was kind of sad she braided it because then it waved instead of curled, oh well) and the second is spring break senior year, about a year before i cut it all off. note that you cannot even see the end of my hair in that picture. i couldn't find a picture where all my hair was shown hahah thats how long it was ahhh!

ode to the hot dog.

now those who know me would be saying, "ode to the hot dog...kelsey is doing an ode to the hot dog..?" to which i would respond with a resounding yes. i feel a flash from the past is necessary in order to really put into perspective how monumental this occasion truly is. first let me ask; who, as a child, did not like hot dogs? no hand should be raised. see, as a child development major, an avid babysitter and an aunt of 9,almost 10, i am fully aware that the hot dog is a child best friend. the glorious food group that appears on your plate or in your mac n cheese (okay, that is still gross) when mom doesn't have time to make dinner or when the babysitter is hashin out the dinner for the night. but, you see, i was not that little kid. i, brace yourself, did not like hot dogs. not only did i not like them i despised them. with every ounce of hatred my body could muster. i could not stand the taste. cringing, i would feed this hunk of..of whatever it is to these helpless children who knew no better but did what their babysitter told them to do. now the hot dogs were not alone on the list of food forsaken* by the young kelsey ann mckinnon. no, there were others. among them were onions, cheese cake, bell peppers, spinach, pie, meatballs, basically just meat in general, and supreme pizza, just to name a few. yes, i was a picky picky child. let us fast forward to the present. nay, back up a bit to about 5 months ago. i had just moved to provo, ut. a place filled with nothing familiar to me minus my brother, his wife, and the marriott where we stayed every time we came to visit. upon moving there my father had told me there was a hot dog stand that i must try before moving (at the time i was planning on returning to byu-idaho for the winter semester). after hearing him say this i remember saying, "yeah, okay dad" while simultaneously thinking, "kill me now if a hot dog stand is all i have to look forward to in this place." indeed, i was an optimist. now, scooting about another month or so into the future (making this about 4 months ago) my brother, Tyler and his wife, Lindsee decided it was high time for me to actually go to this hot dog stand. i tried to be excited, i promise i did. eventually, the time came and we made our way to my doom..i mean, the hot dog stand. as many of you may have guessed (i say that like people will actually read this) that hot dog stand is j dawgs. arriving i had low expectations and high hopes of somehow getting out of the situation. the line shortened and my stomach tightened, preparing for what was ahead. Ty turned to me and asked what i was going to get on it. "ketchup". i said, not thinking there was a correct and incorrect answer. apparently there was and i had given the latter. my brother, my BLOOD, in that moment told me to leave. if i remember correctly he even pointed towards the door for dramatic effect. all sorts of confused i looked at Linds for help. Ty proceeded to explain that there was a "special sauce" that you HAD to put on it and all sorts of ridiculous toppings that were required or they would throw you out. (obviously that last part was a bit overboard on his part but he was very passionate about the process of dressing your hot dog so i didn't point that out.) proceeding down the line i was told to get a "polish" dawg, not beef. i did as a i was told (like those poor children i babysat) and eventually ended up topping it with special sauce, onions** and pickles. we each get our "dawg" and sit down. hesitating, i watch my companions take the first bite. after seeing that they didn't keel over and foam at the mouth i dive in. i do not use the phrase dive in lightly. what happened next is beyond my realm of explanation. i did not, nor do i expect to ever, understand why, how and what was going on in my mouth but i enjoyed it, to say the least. i, kelsey ann mckinnon, like hot dogs. i pause at that sentence and wonder if it is completely valid. do i really like hot dogs? have my taste buds matured (or immatured i suppose) insomuch that i actually find this non-meat meat desirable?couldn't tell you. whether we have the maturation of taste buds or the unique-ness of j dawgs to thank will always be a mystery. see, i do not plan on eating other hot dogs. for anyone who has ever eaten a j dawg you understand why. once you j dawg it, there is no going back. none of this store bought oscar meyer whatever business. it just wont do. now i understand that this post is not alone. i guarantee i could find a jillion and two odes to j dawgs among the wide world of blogging. but i just had to share today because, ladies a gentlemen a phenomenon has occurred this very january 26th of 2010. i, probably the smallest eater you will ever encounter, ate an entire j dawg. by myself. in one sitting. i wish i could be with you as you read that last sentence and applaud; because i am sure that is what is going on at this distinct moment. i would bow if i could somehow do that electronically (thats something to think about!) but for now you will just have to imagine me doing so, maybe with a little special sauce smudged on my cheek. so, today, i am grateful for j dawgs and it's ability to widen my views and tickle my taste buds. and i can bring this experience to you

because i am blessed.

*this list of food is not the same nor as long, though cheese cake and pie still grace the compilation, there are many foods that i have come to know and love over the years.

**take notice that onions are on the list of "no" foods as a child. well that has not changed. so, why did i put them on my j dawg? a question still to be answered. did i hate it? absolutely not. i still enjoy my dawg with onions today.

our beautiful world.

i am a gospel doctrine teacher in my ward up here at school. i taught the creation lesson last sunday and found, once again, that the lesson was mainly for me. preparing for the lesson i was overcome with the time, thought and love our heavenly father put into the creation of this world. everything is perfect. so fitting and purposeful to help us to grow, learn and love here on this earth. living here in provo has opened my eyes to the beauty that surrounds us on a daily basis. one thing i do miss in idaho is the plain beauty of a farming town. i miss going outside and finding, within walking distance, a place where i can whip out my camera or notebook and just be inspired for literally hours. the expansive fields and simplicity of rexburg has always touched me. now in provo i find a different form of what i've always seen, always loved. this picture was taken while i was up in the canyon right after the first snow of this winter. how can one not love provo with the mountains hugging you in, the trees looming over head in such a way that you can't help but look up and smile. whether filled with leaves or bare and gasping out above the road those giants hold years and years of stories. of precious, unforgettable moments of past and present occupants of this town. i feel silly but after living here for five months i will still find myself on the verge of tears merely looking around. thank the heavens for such a wonderful world. for such a beautiful place to call our own. if there is one thing i could ask those who aren't sure they believe in god i would like to ask them if they ever open their eyes and look around. gods hand is everywhere. if we but look.

i know this

because i am blessed.